Tag: 2015 UK GENERAL ELECTION

Cameron, Clegg, Milliband and Farage: who will win Wacky Races?

Wacky Races
Wacky Races

Welcome to the last leg of the UK General Election Wacky Races! I am your host, commentator and reporter; Pedro Diamond.

Pedro Diamond: The last race was won by David Caravan when Ed Millipede crashed out while in the lead with grip problems. Here’s an interview I did with Ed earlier:

Ed Millipede: Yes Pedro; I had the wrong rubber on my brogues! The crowd were good and encouraged me so I managed to catch it before I hit the black stuff! It’s always difficult to choose the right rubber when the conditions are changeable. Dunlop have been great support, giving three different choices, but I understand David Caravan was on the hard compound on the day so he had an advantage. Lesson learned!

Pedro Diamond: All contestants are neck and neck as we come to the close of this competition. Only a few more days to go in this long-distance race. One thing that has got the crowd excited and commentators talking is the introduction of a new fuel; Liquid Intellectual Energy or LIE. Using the fuel is known as LIEING. It’s use is controversial but in a moment, you will hear the views of the four leading drivers on the new fuel. Continue reading “Cameron, Clegg, Milliband and Farage: who will win Wacky Races?”

Cameron, Clegg, Milliband and Farage Treat Worlds Like Dust

Part 2 of my 2015 Election Wacky Races. Part 1 is here.

This week, with Ed Millipede, amazingly, one point in the lead, the four front-runners take a pit stop and take part in Question Time.

David Caravan
David Caravan

Question Time with Jonathan Dimbleby this week is from King’s College Hospital London and we are discussing the way the NHS has changed under the present Conservative Government; in particular how cuts are affecting the health of patients. We are very lucky to have with us all the current main four Party leaders.

And first I would like to go to David Caravan and ask him whether he thinks his Party’s cuts have gone too far.

David Caravan: Actually, no, I don’t think they have. While I do see, of course, that the tightening of our medical belts – or is that gastric belts, ha! ha! – might represent a challenge to the 20 million odd OAPs, who we are planning to ban from the NHS – oo sorry, George told me not to tell you that – I don’t think for most hard-working people with two legs and two arms, it is a problem. You can still cut off the head of the beast, the NHS beast, and have it function normally. In fact, that is half the problem. It is like a Cerberus. You just can’t kill it! In fact, I think there might be an argument, if the research were done and if it proved feasible, and if trials on children are successful, that we might envisage a situation where working people – patients – might actually not need their heads any more, as such. (Holds his hands up). Now, I know what you are thinking. But a simple medical procedure to painlessly remove the said thinking container would be simple, cheap and effective. There would no longer be a need to feed patients, and the Workers – sorry the hard-workers of this Country, won’t need to think anymore. Indeed, they won’t be able to. This will make Politics and Ruling the Country a whole lot simpler. Continue reading “Cameron, Clegg, Milliband and Farage Treat Worlds Like Dust”