Introduction – 1 February, 2019
I don’t know when I first conceived of The Hole Inside the Earth, but the idea to write something that spanned the whole of man’s existence from early times to the far future has been around for a long time. I think I first started writing Green and then the other colours in the Autumn of 2015, and I remember needing one more thread, as I only had 6, so I started Indigo on a very cold day in Jan or early Feb 2016. Until now, I often thought I would abandon it. In fact, in the early days, it was just an experiment, and I don’t think I or anybody else thought I would finish it. But now I am through the worst. There have been times over the last year when I just had to make a huge effort to keep going, and I think it affected me physically. I only started this diary in 2019, but then again, it’s the first time I felt that I could see light at the end of the tunnel.
nb: HITE is my acronym for The Hole Inside the Earth.
2 February, 2019
I finished Indigo 9 in the afternoon. I realise that actually I am a bit afraid of HITE, because it is such a huge undertaking. It may well be my last, major project. I am thinking of having Chaka become corrupt, because of the allure of the splinter of blue wood in Drul’a’s pouch. I am also thinking about having Omacron fall in the river at the top of the Altar mountain and somehow float down through an underground stream and come out in the Caves of the Orange Giant.
One last thought on fear; I feel that there is tremendous fear in the world right now. The fear seems to be of global recession, but I think this is tied to the changing political climate. I feel we are slowly moving to the left, and perhaps people on the right fear this and put up a struggle. Anyway, there is tremendous fear around, possibly exacerbated by fear of technological progress too.
3 February, 2019
I slept well last night, but I had an amusing dream. I was competing with another guy to descend this mountain first. It involved bob-sleighs, skis and eventually running and falling. I fell down this sheer cliff and into a complex set of concrete tunnels, like a bunker, surrounded by a river. The water flowed into the tunnels and carried me down and down, round lots of bends until I passed a small opening, inside which a man was writing at a desk.
I said, “Where the Hell am I?”
He replied, “I guess you were on holiday and got lost.”
I replied, “Holiday? Who said anything about a holiday!”
Still bloody cold. About 19 degrees in here, about 0 outside. Will put heating on soon.
I wanted to start Violet 9 but didn’t really have any ideas so sat in bed most of the afternoon, thinking about it (it was a Sunday, so who cares?)
I finished the evening watching Triple Cross with Christopher Plummer (whom I don’t really like as an actor and the film is shit, but I kind of enjoyed it, because I didn’t have to concentrate and could think about problems, and then I spent an hour more thinking. I feel like I have lost my mojo in the last week or so. I seem to get edgy at dusk, more than usual, which I can only put down to paranoia or lack of confidence (same thing?).