Blog: How to Commit the Perfect Murder – Lazlo Ferran

This week: How to Commit the Perfect Murder, Rant about Adespresso, updated bio, book price increases.

How to Commit the Perfect Murder
There is no Sneak Preview this week because I am still only slowly progressing with the latest book. If I excerpted every week you would soon have read all of it 🙂 Instead let me write about something which has preoccupied me this week and does for some time during most books I write. There is often a murder and one often has to think through just how the murderer in the book is going to handle it. There are many ways of murdering somebody so that it is unlikely you will be found out but very few people can or actually, do it in cold blood. It is more often done out of passion and on the spur of the moment ( it is more commonly state-sponsored executions that are planned). Serial Killers I won’t count here because they are not generally sane, usually psychopaths and don’t think rationally about what they are doing.

So my main character finds himself with a knife in his hand and the means, and motive, to kill somebody. It is war-time and you might think nobody will notice a missing person, or will care about a body in the street. But you would probably be wrong. Apart from cleaning up the crime scene (if he or she can do the deed) as best they can, the murderer will next have to consider either how to dispose of the body or how to conceal the act and make the death look natural. In my case (ie the character in my book, not me!) the latter is not possible, nor does the character need to fake his own death, but he does want to take the place of the deceased for a while. Therefore he needs to dispose of the victim.

Acid
Acid is of course one method but very difficult to execute: one needs to order large quantities of the acid, transport them, store them and have a device to fully immerse the body parts. You then have to dispose of the slush that results.

Immersion in water
Immersing in a fast flowing river or the sea is better.
This was my chosen method; in the murder’s location there are many ditches and canals. None of these are fast flowing. The next problem is therefore how to sink the body. Initially I just thought of using a sack of coal tied to the poor victim’s feet but this seemed at the same time too easy and  too dangerous. Where do you get the coal? Where do you get the sack? A crate suggested itself and then mud or stones. A combination might be quite good as long as all the soil doesn’t get washed out of the crate.

I had the person doing the concealing (who I must reveal here is not the murderer) using the victim’s belt to attach the crate to the body but then there is the question of whether the crate should be put on top of the body or underneath as an anchor.

Of course in time the body will rot. At first it will sink but then later it will tend to float. It’s hard for anybody doing the concealing to allow for thinks like tide, varying depths of water (in drought for instance), the action of boats, children, even animals chewing through the leather of the belt. Then there is flooding.

It’s a perplexing problem for the concealer and the writer too. The concealer can only hope that the body stays concealed long enough to decay beyond recognition. Of if at sea, that it gets washed out into the great oceans and decays there. I’m glad it’s not something I have ever had to consider for real and I hope I never have to.

Rant about Adespresso (http://www.adespresso.com/)
I tried out a so-called Beta package called Adespresso; software which allows you to compile advertising campaigns and post them to Facebook through the Facebook Ad API. It all looked good but first of all I received warnings saying that neither of my ads had posted! I received to notifications that the tech team were aware of the problem and would sort it quickly.
“Fair enough,” I thought.
Nothing happened and the campaign durations were almost at an end. Then I tried to contact the Adespresso team. The contact form didn’t work in Firefox or Chrome! I couldn’t believe it. I searched on the internet and found that it had the capability to import my existing ads from Facebook. This would be really useful so I resigned myself to the fact Adespresso didn’t work properly but could help me decipher my already-complete campaigns. I found the setting to import the campaigns and clicked the button. I had a jolly message telling me:
“Congratulations. It worked! You will be able to see the campaigns shortly.”
Did I, Hell! Nothing happened at all! I tried several times – nothing!
Oh- I did finally manage to submit the contact form – it only works in Internet Explorer. I thought such days were gone!

My assessment: Okay it didn’t cost me anything but they call it a Beta! Its more like an Alpha if you ask me and in reality its just a pretty web page that does absolutely nothing! Either they are very optimistic (about both their customers and their own capabilities) or very cynical. Its just possible of course they have bitten off more than they can chew but don’t want to admit it to their investors. I did see one of the campaigns appear in the Facebook Campaign dashboard so it’s hard to tell whether it is Facebook at fault, Adespresso or both.

Very disappointing. Avoid Adespresso.

Updated Biography
I have updated my biography across all websites to reflect the new fans I have gained in the Far East, Middle East, and Egypt. Welcome to all of you. I hope you find something of interest here.

Book Price Increases
I have had to put my book prices up – generally to around the £3.99 mark. This is partly because Amazon are charging me a ‘supply’ cost for my kindles of up to 15p each and partly because I think this is just a fairer price for my books. I hope we will soon be far enough out of the recession that people can easily afford these prices. It is very little for projects that take a year of my life. I will be keeping down the price of Ordo Lupus and the Temple Gate  to £0.99  for just a little while longer and Too Bright the Sun will stay at that price. Oh and by the way, the title of the blog this week is from a TV series and not a film.

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