OK all the readers who are going to complete my draft have completed it and I have all the feedback. It makes for very interesting reading. The curious thing – which I didn’t expect but probably should have, is that they all completely disagree.
While one person thinks that one chapter or section is boring, for another it is their favourite part. This makes it quite difficult to do any editing at all although there were some areas that all felt could be improved. A secondary problem arose from that though:
For instance one passage that several felt was really extraneous I deleted, and then did a kind of flash-back just for the vital details of that section – like a summary. But then people said it sounded like I was rushing on to the next bit. Even worse, one reader said that for the next section there then wasn’t enough background so that I even contemplated putting the original section back in.
I am going to have to let it all sink in and then come to an overall picture of how it should be.
In the mean time work continues on the new story – the sci-fi one, but slowly. I often find myself writing just a paragraph or so in an evening and then deciding its no good anyway. This is often because I am looking for the ‘tone’ of the story. I came up with a lovely phrase last night and until that point I had thought that I wanted to write something a little more poetic than the last story; something beautiful. But then the next phrase was equally good and yet had a trashy feel. I then had to think ‘well am I writing something beautiful or Raymond Chandler?’
It has caused me to pause and think. If one is writing something that you want to be poetic and beautiful, can you then include a phrase that is very descriptive but of something that is ugly?
Lazlo Ferran | Vampire, Werewolf, Sci-fi & Military Books 
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Good luck with the rewrites, Laz!Sometimes it is necessary to place contrasting ideas in juxtaposition in order to emphasize one or both. It's the old debate – Without the darkness there can be no light and visa versa!Also,I am happy to be getting notifications whenever you post something new. Do you get a notification whenever somebody leaves a comment?
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I will do now Gary. I am going to add myself to the list.
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ps. I agree about writing about darkness which can be equally beautiful. But ugliness is slightly different. The phrase was something like:'the darkened theatre of my mind' which was good. I feel it suggests emptiness, remoteness and slight dampness (not sure why I like this),but then I thought of adding:'where images of war played like cheap porn movies'Now I think that is a bit cheap in itself and Raymond Chandlerish or noirish. Its too vulgar perhaps?
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I agree, the first suggests, although dark, a theater of life. The second degrades the setting to a sleazy, claustrophobic venue.
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i like the sentence as a whole, but i agree with gary.sometimes though a sleazy approach works, it depends on the tone of the book as a whole. for example here's chapter 1 of Crooked Little Vein by Warren Ellis. Crooked Little Vein, CH.1, amazon.com
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That's great El'Phantasmo. Where did you find it – I mean how did you find it. It beats Bukowski hands down.
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easy, Warren Ellis is one of my favourite comic book authors. his series of Transmetropolitan books/comics is some of the best writing i know in the genre. all of his work is somewhat acerbic and nothing is off topic.Crooked Little Vein is his first 'proper' book and to be honest it's a bit of a let down. the first half is excellent, but after that it really goes down hill. he starts getting political and preachy, but given his writing style it doesn't work.http://www.warrenellis.com/http://twitter.com/warrenellis
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